Sunday, December 19, 2010

Top 10 Notre Dame coaches of the past decade

Originially published December 10, 2009

Upon the hiring of the next Messiah of ND football, today's top 10 list of the decade will focus on the center of the universe-Notre Dame football. Here are the top 10 head coaches from Notre Dame in the past 10 years:

10. Rob Ianello (Nov. 30, 2009-Dec 9, 2009) - This interim after the firing of Charlie Weis did the following over his tenure of 10 days - chose not to go to a bowl game, allowed Jimmy Clausen and Golden Tate to go pro, get hired by the Akron Zips, and never beat Navy.

9. NDNation.com - They single handledly fired Ty Willingham and fueld the flames for Weis. It must be so great to sit back at your computer and criticize every ND play, decision, player, coach, announcer, and each other. Get a life and get off your computer. Oh wait.

8. Kent Baer (Nov. 30, 2004 - Dec. 31, 2008) This interim for Ty Willingham lasted one game. The "Win One for Ty" meant a 38-21 drubbing in the Insight.com bowl to Oregon State. At least they played in a bowl game

6. Bob Davie (1997-2001)- His predecessor, Lou Holtz once said, “It is a fine thing to have ability, but the ability to discover ability in others is the true test.” Bob Davie once said, "Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't winning." Lost the last game when I was a student 41-9 to Oregon State.

5. My Dog Backer - he's smarter than Bob Davie and beat out 29 other people in my aunt's football pool in 2005. I'm sure he would do better than Kent Baer at least

4. George O'Leary - (Dec. 9, 2001- December 14, 2001). Nice background check ND. On his resume, O'Leary claimed that he had earned a master's degree from "NYU-Stony Brook University," a non-existent institution. In fact, he had taken only two courses at NYU, and never graduated. He also claimed that he had earned three letters in football at the University of New Hampshire, when the school claimed he had not even played in one game. But he never lost a game to Oregon State 41-9.

3. Ty Willingham (2002-2004)- Started 8-0. Woke Up the Echoes. Recruited Brady Quinn. Coach of the Year. Lost to Purdue two years later 41-16. Echoes fell back asleep.

2. Charlie Weis (2004-2009)- Recruited great, talked a great game, ND alum, great offensive coordinator blah blah, blah blah. Lost to Syracuse and Navy twice. Never lost to Oregon State.

1. Brian Kelly (Dec 10, 2010 - probably five years from today) -
He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith and Wesson.
They once had a bachelor party for Kelly. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Kelly once hosted the Grammy's and gave every award to Kayne West.
Kelly's family crest is a picture of a barracuda, eating Neil Armstrong.
Did I ever tell you about the time Kelly was in a production of The King and I? Well anyway, before the show, Kelly chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
Kelly named the group ShaNaNa. They did not want to be called that.
Kelly directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels.
All the Yes album covers are Kelly family photos.
He framed Roger Rabbit.
The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Kelly, except for the part about planting apple trees.
His favorite TV movie is The Boy In The Plastic Bubble starring John Travolta.
So anyway, Kelly would put on a white tie and tails and walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Kelly had to shoot the maid.
He uses the Shroud of Turin as a gold towel.
He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Kelly has never lost to Oregon State

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